Henry's thoughts

What Hurts More

2005-06-13T19:51:00.000-07:00

In loving someone, what hurts more?
Is it to love and miss that person?
Or to yearn for someone that is unaware
I do not dare to love thee
Neither eligible nor compatible
But do not hate me for doing so
What can stop a heart from loving a worthy woman like thee?

The consequences will be grave if the truth is known
Thunderous storm will rock the boat and the outcome will be unbearable
So I choose to be the gutless emotional person that people know of me
And just hide inside my sorrowing hermit self
I just want to wish thee happiness
As seeing one’s love happy is sufficient for me.

Inspiration

2005-06-03T09:40:00.000-07:00

Why bother about the past when you have the present
Knowing the truth is hard but being kept in the dark is worse
The truth is known, I have accepted it, life still has to go on
I will forgive as there are no more hatred left in me
Unfortunately I will never forget, as it creeps in the tiniest memory of my brain

Life objectives will change and mine just did
Drifting in the sea like a wood
I have no aim and no goal left
Thank goodness the waves are there to guide me

I want to leave this behind and enter a new life
I will leave but not forever
Time will cure me where I hope to find a new heart
But sadly, no heart will want me

So what if I like someone,
Loving someone is not just simply to be with that person
But seeing that person happy is enough for me even though you are not a part of her
I shall not sink the ship for my personal ambitions

For the secret, I may tell it to someone
or, maybe it will return to mother nature with me unknown to anyone around me

Time to end this entry again, I will close it with the analogy of grass
An old grass may suit your bud
But a tainted one will make you forsake it
Time to find a new one
It maybe there but I do not know where is it
Even though you find it, you will never get it
O fate please be kind to me
I am at your mercy

2005-05-21T08:47:00.000-07:00

It is so near yet so far
Reconcialation was on the verge of truth
The dead rose has just began blooming again
Spring is returning

Denying it is an act foolishness
You may sin with reason as long it is justified
Dun look at a glass from just one view
Look into it and you will know the truth

No Vengeance left in me
But has the destiny reach its destination
You ask is it coming
I can only say I am still waiting too

Gift of forgiveness

2005-05-21T08:33:00.000-07:00

I know that pope had passed away few months ago. But I read a story about him which explains to me what is the greatest gift in this world. It is not money, properties or jewelleries, it is something that seems so invaluable to you, but priceless to another. Let me use Pope's real life experience to tell you what is actually this gift.

As we all knew, Pope was once shot in one of his trip. Fortunately, Pope survived and the assasin was arrested. However, instead of bearing grudges upon the assasin, Pope visited him in his prison cells and forgave him. This act by the Pope will always live in my memory till i return to the ground.

As we can see from the above, the greatest gift from a person is forgiveness. When one forgives another, you remove guilt from his heart and make him feel relieve again. I am not trying to be a great thinker or philosopher. I have experienced many drastic events this past few months and I learnt that to forgive someone is the best gift that you can give to that person, and being forgiven is the greatest gift that I have ever received from someone.

A meaningful story

2005-05-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

My blog is finally back, people that know me well will understand why I am writing my blog again. Keep guessing for those who do not have a clue. For today, I will try to narrate a story that leaves a deep impression on me from the romance of the kingdom TV serial. This maybe just a story to you all but I just experience this feelings myself. First, I shall give u a brief introduction to the TV serial. My favourity general is Liu Bei, however the story that I am going to tell is not about him, but his biggest enemy, Cao Cao.

Cao Cao just won a war against Yuan Shao, then a much more stronger general than him. Victorious was he, he and his generals toured the fallen camp of Yuan Shao, when suddenly one of his general Zhang Liao found letters which were sent to Yuan Shao by some of Cao Cao's officials back home. However, instead of checking who are the senders and punished them, Cao Cao asked Zhang Liao to burn all the letters. Cao Cao claimed that this officials were worried about their lives and submit to Yuan Shao as he has a much stronger country. It is a norm for a human being to do that, where they run to those who can make them happy, even in turn betraying those who really care about them. By burning those letters, Cao Cao decided not to dig up the history and forgave those corrupt officials. This increased their loyalty to him and lead Cao Cao to achieve many great things.

There are a lot of sins done to you out there, but there are no use digging them up. Things that happen cannot be taken back, if that person have a conscience, he will feel guilty and this will haunt his whole life. Forgaving that person will win him over, while killing him will just end the problem. Everyone has been betrayed by their closest friends, but when a betrayal took place, there is a root to it. Instead of blaming the other person, look deep into the root and see what's wrong. I have done that. I have changed but something in me will be lost forever. Thank you for making me becoming a stronger person.

2005-03-15T10:35:00.000-08:00

I decide to post this story which I find very meaningful.

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy
family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the
mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a small space in the
cold basement.

As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in
the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older
angel replied, “Things aren't always what they seem.”

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very
hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had
the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good
night's rest.

When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his
wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the
field. The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel, “how
could you have let this happened?”

“The first man had everything, yet you helped him”, she accused.

“The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and yet
you let the cow die.”

“Things aren't always what they seem,” the older angel replied.

“When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold
stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with
greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he
wouldn't find it.”

“Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came
for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren't always what they
seem.”

This story shows that things are not always what they seem to be. Do not be foolish and judge things too early. Life is really full of suprises and I shall quote "Life is just like a box of chocolates". Be optimistic and confidence of yourselves. Doing none will only make it worse.

2005-03-15T10:33:00.000-08:00

The flowers are blooming again
The dark clouds are gone
But the road is still long
Destiny will decide for us
The start has ended
But the ending is just starting

2005-03-13T06:37:00.000-08:00

"Thrill" does not describe me...it explains you
The past 2 years had been wonderful to me in case you are wondering
But I do not know about you ?
You left without tears.
You found a new one in a blip.
You take it as nothing has happened.
Tears do not signify any meaning, but it shows something...
Would the river flows if it is nothing to me
People wonders how can be it so fast?
I wonder too while trying to put out the fire...

Just wanna say I had think through,
I dunnoe why...I spend time alone in public just now
As I do not want to cry anymore
I was filled with anger and anguish
But as I curse and swear, the thoughts slowly go away
I feel much better now, thanks to myself

However for now, I do not know if we still can be friends
The wound is still fresh, anything you do will just be similar as rubbing salt on it
So just be far away from me and let time dried up the wound
Scar will be there but it's up to one to care about its existence
In the future, destiny and time will bring us together again if we are fated...

I am sorry if I have hurt you in any way
But just tolerate me

Thank you for bringing the best moment to me for the past 2 years.
Not only me, but to family too
Thank you...You had given me my best moment.

2005-03-12T23:08:00.000-08:00

U said I have to be mature, but are you?
Not agonised with the facts, but
Dissapointed with the process.
It's a matter of 2 hearts, why bring my mates into it?
You make them feel bad and sad for me, and that is worse for me.
Just let me be, there is no need to bring other in.
I shall not draw my sword further
as the blood stain will be irremovable.
U threw me a boulder that I can take,
But the arrow that you send me is the last stride.

River flows and heart aches
I was good according to you
I was the best in everything but
I am not the most loved.
A flaw of me? indeed
I was just a pawn to you
You were the queen of my heart...but you were
Exactly after 31 winks, you found a new heart
My memory worth a month?
Karma or retrbution
I did that to someone and i got it back at the end.
Before the news was out, u ask me to settle some matters
Your fear that I will not do them if I have known
But for me,
Once a promise is made, I will do it.
Others call me a fool,
but it is my principle.

Mother asked me why did we end?
How am I with your family?
I was close to them...so how was it
I could and do not want to answer her
Not filial of me
But dun wan to bring sadness to others

U asked me to enjoy...
but who is the one that give me all the sufferings?
I asked if you are upset
You said if you are, we will be one heart again
But why not even a drop of sadness?
This will continue and continue for you
It's a game for you...you get the thrill out of it

I am not happy you have a new one but
I am glad that you are happy...
Tell Judas, if you are hurt physically,
I shall not rest on my laurels
The sword will be drawn
Consequences will be bloody and irrevocable

Sorry...

2005-03-05T09:27:00.000-08:00

This is not a rebuttal but this is an expression of my feelings. No amount of apologies can make you forgive me as I have pushed over the limits and crossed the thin line. I deserved what is upon me. The small string that are gripping us are growing weaker by days. Instead of strengthening it, weaken was it by me and the fire inside me my narrow heart.

The irony of me, blowing you away when I claimed I want you back. I do not want to make mistakes that I will regret in my life. Love I may not get but foe I do not want. Facing the reality is tough but acceptance is a must. Both of us must continue to go forward as remaining at the same spot will only hurt us more.

Seeing you drafting away from me put grief in me, but seeing you happy place gladness in me. You ask me to wish him good luck, i shall not do that. But inside me, I hope for your happiness. The approach taken by me was wrong and I see the light now. We shall be apart for the next few winks, not as a foe but to recover. I still hope for a reconcilation but only when fate and time allow it. No use to force it as it will just happen again. Sorry for not asking what you want as the selfish me only know what I want. Life is really short, 1/3 is lost in sleep, therefore I want your other 2/3 to be in happiness. Emotions in me run high and i did some foolish things...which I have regretted and learnt.

I know this is no use but again and again I have to say I am sorry...from the bottom of my heart. Hope I can bring back the smile to you that win me over.

The core of my heart

2005-02-26T07:59:00.000-08:00

My heart felt heavy the whole day but I just have to carry the load.
But is the sacrifice worth it?
One sacrifices for other's happiness, the one is in agony while the other is confused.
However I rather be sad than seeing others in agony.
May happiness be with you to make this sacrifice worhwhile.
I am misunderstood, no one understand my true heart, appearance does not depict what is inside me.
The love is still inside me but the love is worthless now.
If the world had judged me, then let it be as I will accept it with an open mind and bear no grudges against you.
I want a break from the sweet and sour moment but instead of a break, forever it will be lost.
Freedom comes after the sadness, then sadness comes after the freedom.
Let it be, let it be
The cycle of will never cease and end

Writing this without the means of hurting others, just to express the load in me...

The new me ( I hope and I hope)

2005-02-25T09:23:00.000-08:00

If I really could turn back the time, I will be a much better boyfriend to you...But since it is imposibble to do that, I will just be a good ex, and I hope we will be good friends forever until eternity...I noe I always broke a lot of promises previously, but it's time I will really change...

Things I want to achieve:
1) Give you back your freedom and life
2) Enjoy me being single again
3) Study and study hard
4) Write more blogs...
5) Improve my english
6) Be happy
7) Know more true friends
and many many more...

My heart mellows

2005-02-25T08:38:00.000-08:00

Today, I will begin my blog by writing a story:

In a small room in a majestic castle somewhere far far far away
There was a cage with a beautiful golden bird inside him
In the beginning, she was the happiest bird in town
Living inside the comfort of the cage, filling the room with her happiness and always singing with her beautiful voice
However after a while, the task becomes too routine for her. The bird had became bored with her task
She then wants to leave the cage and see the beuatiful world outside.
However the cage refused to let her go, in fear that there will be no bird to accompany him anymore because he feared the bird will never fly back.
The bird felt despair as she seek her freedom. She refused to do her task, she refused to give up trying to escape from the cage. She tried and tried until one day, she felt sick...
The cage felt very sad and finally gave in to her...She flew away after that
She never come back...

I think this story shows an importanyt value in life. The cage provides comfort, love and safety for the bird, but he does not give her any freedom. When the bird want to see the outside, he refuse her request and this cause the bird to hate him. Why couldn't the cage just let her go, if the cage satisfy her needs, she will fly back after she enjoy the experience outside. But he refuses to let her go and when she has the chance to leave, she will never come back. Now the cage is empty...

Love is a 2 way thingy, you cannot force another person to do something as you do not own her. She has her rights to do her own thing and lives her own life. A question that I ask myself is, do you rather be sad and see someone else happy or do you prefer to be happy and see someone else sad. I think and think...I rather be sad than seeing someone that you care and love to be upset...

My heart was as hard as the rock, intimidating all the nemesis, full of hatred and selfishness...But then suddenly I heard a whisper, "does thou want a woman or a happiness?". It finally struck me...Why why why I am doing all of this now? Be brave, be open hearted and just let go...

I shall not make thou an oath as one without a heart, is one that is less than a penny, but my heart will change as seeing you sad, hurt me more than a thousand of needles piercing through my heart

I am sorry for all the things I have done...

I want to change and I will change...Just fly away and the cage door will be always open...

Can't get a wink

2005-02-23T18:53:00.000-08:00

Trying to close my eyes, to rest my tired mind...but I could not, I just could not. Thus, here I am back wring this blog again. I know my behavior had been too erratic recently, behaving unlike what you all perceived me to be. I am sorry if I have hurt anyone by my mean jokes, I know I can be mean sometimes, but I only want to make others laugh. I am maybe in despair now but I seek pleasure from seeing to you all laught. I do not want to hurt anyone and for you all to be sad too, I want happiness in you all, that's the best gift a friend can give to you. In this sad moment, I really enjoy listening to a particular song, "If I could turn back the hand of time." I know I had been playing this song over and over again, and it became too irritating for you all as it saddens the mood. But this song exactly describe how I am feeling now...It would be so wonderful if we are allowed to return to the past to change all the mistakes we made, but probably it will just cause more disasters to the already grieving earth that we live in now.

I really glad that friends have been there to support me, people had willingly offered me their ears so I can pour out my sorrows...Oh, sensetive emotional Pisces me, why must i make trouble for others while they have enough problems for themselves...I wish to use this opp to thank friends like Matt, San, Paulina, Tuck, Selena and all those who had help me in one way or another...A sincere thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Pissed off

2005-02-23T18:24:00.000-08:00

I am damn pissed now, feeling a knive had been stabbed deep into my heart, betrayed by people who I thought they cared about me...Why must it happen? why can't they think about my feeling? Am I being too nice? Am I just an object that supposed not to have any feelings and you can just threw me aside like some objects? Don't I deserve some compassion, symphaty and love? I dunnoe and I dun care. I do not want to be down because of this but this scar will remain there for along time...

My Name

2005-02-23T18:21:00.000-08:00

My first blog

2005-02-22T03:35:00.001-08:00

I finally have my first blog. It seems that everyone I know already have one and I believe this is the time I should have one too. I will have 2 blogs, where I will use this one to express my thoughts while using the other one to express my views on investment related stuff such as equity, forex, bond and property. I am not a big time investor but I have a suffecient knowledge of them due to my education and personal interest. So if anyone wishes to know more about them, just mail me at henchkman@gmail.com and I will post the answer in my other blog http://henrybuffett.blogspot.com. Then, I will use this blog to describe my feelings, experience. As I am not a very strong in writing, therefore I hope to use this blog to improve my English. So this is my first blog and I hope there will be many more to come in the future.